Zeke Says So

Why Does the National GOP Hate Nevada? Part Dos

2011-10-28T06:22:00.000-07:00

OK. I assume you've read yesterday's "background" of this issue. No? The go read it HERE first.

Here are some theories we've been kicking around down at the Bar:

All About Harry - Since the Early Caucus was Reid's idea, the GOP is avoiding the State and it's huge Swing State Prize in an attempt to crush Harry's dreams. GRADE: Possible
The GOP Are Dumb - Although many down here at ZSS Inc believe this, their is NO WAY the GOP thinktanker have not noticed the need for Obama to win NV to be reelected. GRADE: Not Likely.
Market Driven Grassroots - God knows the supply-sider conservatives think markets can do anything. But do they really think a successful Caucus and organized volunteer base will simply manifest itself magically, without SOME kind of planning? GRADE: Probable
We Hate Mormons - In Nevada, bet on the Mormon. Mitt Romney is gonna win here again. There is no doubt. Does the heavy Evangelical oriented RNC leadership want to downplay the enviable LDS-led outcome in Nevada? GRADE: Smells true
Viva Nevada! - Is it possible that the GOP ThinkTankers are simply looking down the road at an unwinnable Latino heavy Nevada, and preemptively writing off the Silver State usefulness? GRADE: Posssible
Slow Advisers At Play- Conservates don't like change. That is literally why they call themselves that. Is it possible that their base political orientation is disallowing them to move on a clear opportunity like building a groundswell on the cheap in a swing state? GRADE: Might be part of it.
Fear of Pronouncement Errors - Are the GOPers afraid of accidental mispronouncing "Nevada" and being ridiculed by pitchfork wielding locals? GRADE; No, This is The Joke at the End of the Post™.

Why Does the National GOP Hate Nevada? Part Uno

2011-10-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

Been paying attention lately? If ya have, ya know what I'm talking about.

A little background first.
In 2006ish Democrats, led by Harry Reid made a move to make Nevada an "Early" Caucus state along with South Carolina, adding to the well established early voters' Iowa and New Hampshire. On the surface an Early voting designation allows a state to "Have a voice in who gets nominated" by "making the candidates aware of OUR issues" blah blah blah.
That's what you have been fed. And it sounds great. Us Nevadans love hearing our name on national news stories. We love to feel special and unique just like everybody else.

However, the REAL prize of an Early Voting status is: Candidates come here. They show up at parades and BBQs and Town Halls and everything else, in a courting process in hopes of winning over those Caucus voters. They energize the base, create passionate (unpaid) volunteers and set the stage for victory in November. And of the 4 early voting states, NV is the ONLY swing state. Obama won Nevada so easily in 2008 BECAUSE the Democrats pushed their Caucus so hard, and successfully mined the results of an army of supporters.

Where was the GOP during this? Good question.

And mores the point, where are they today? Other than the free pro-GOP bombardment from KOLO web page and the RGJ/AP feed, the GOP seems to be blowing off a huge opportunity to organize this cycle. And this seems to be ignored, if not encouraged by the RNC in the recent CaucusGate where the entire GOP Universe ganged up on NV and threated a boycotte while blaming us 'cause FLORIDA moved their Primary up against GOP rules.

But why? Why does the GOP side with New Hampshire, a solid voting Democratic Stronghold instead of a freely swinging and until 2008 GOP stronghold Nevada? I understand why the GOP wouldn't want to say even one bad word about perennial swing state Florida (and lose at the least some serious campaign donors),

Well, I have some theories. And for that, tune in tomorrow.

The NV GOP Drop the Caucus Ball. Into a Snakehole.

2011-10-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

We all expect the Nevada Republican Party to screw up. It is, after all, what they do best.

But they are taking it to a whole new level this cycle. There is plenty of coverage over New Hampshire-Gate, but not much has been made about the whole Idiotic GOP Caucus plan. So here goes...

For those of you unfamiliar with how a successful Caucus works, the idea pioneered by the Nevada Democratic Party in 2008 was: get as many people to turn out as possible, especially non-partisans. Register as many people on Caucus day as possible, especially non-partisans. Make the attendees socialize in a big, noisy hall and force them to literally "stand" for their candidate. A little disorder is OK in exchange for excitement and relevance on a national scale.

The Nevada Republican Party has managed to set up a Caucus Program that will achieve NONE of those points. For example, if you want to be part of the NV Caucus, you will need to be a Republican for 30 IN ADVANCE of January 14th, and you better be prepared to prove it buddy! Stupid, paranoid decision.

The NV GOP rules require a secret ballot: they again will be using voting machines. No Noise. No excitement. No "standing" for anything. Stupid, missing-the-point-of-a-Caucus plan.

And best of all, by not coordinating with the National GOP and other states, the Nevada GOP has set itself up and given "poorer" GOP candidates a way to avoid the cost having to campaign in Nevada, while "sucking up" to vain, egocentric, New Hampshire voters.

The lack of campaigning by potential GOP nominees in the run up to the Caucus will absolutely hurt the Republicans in November, in both a missed opportunity to build a base of volunteers, as well as missing the chance to dominate the local headlines with free newsprint with stories about visiting candidates.

Ironically Nevada is the only one of the 4 Official "Early Primary" states that is also potential swing state in November. The prize of an early voting status, is to parley that status into a win on Election Day. The GOP botching the Caucus may cost them any chance at a Red Nevada in 2012.

I used to think the NV GOP, and maybe the National GOP tried to downplay the 2008 Caucus on purpose to keep NV from being relevant that year. It was the DCCC's big plan to "Win the West" after all. Now I think the GOP are just horrible at what they do. Their "Market-based" election plan demonstrates exactly what can go wrong with markets: when left in the hands of idiots they tend to crash.

Is Zeke a Fossil?

2011-10-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

Seriously.

I mean, who READS a partisan political blog in 2011? Liberal Loonies? Conservative Wingnuts? Both?

Well, not me. Anymore that is.

I think the partisan back and forth has effectively dulled us all into submission. It is just a droning noise now when blasting out of a radio or TV or Wall Street Journal, something that most people now just turn off.

So is Zeke Says So a throwback to an old time? A Dinosaur tooth? An Australopithecus afarensis jawbone? A Dot Com stock certificate?

Probably.

But I do know this; bad things happen in the dark.

And I have a big flashlight.
Ahem.

So yes, Zeke Says So IS a fossil, but like the Crocodile a LIVING fossil. And like a croc, I am still pissed off. And I have teeth.

See you tomorrow.

Zeke....Wake up!

2011-07-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

Who is it? Whadda ya want?

Wake up, man!

Who is it?

It's me, Barkeep Karl. Get up man...we need you!

Karl?

Yeah, Karl. Come on Zeke...they sent me to get you...everything is falling apart...they need you down at the office.

Oh Christ, they don't need me. Can't they get Myrna or somebody smart from HuffPost or something?

No man. Nobody cares about Nevada anymore! That's why they want you down at the office.

Seriously? OK...Get me some grapefruits and a sharp knife. And pull the car around. I'm on the case. Oh and Karl?

Yes Zeke?

Bring some scotch.

Already got it.

I Remember Too

2010-11-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Palin Interviews Zeke

2010-10-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

As the black canvas hood was removed from my head, I heard her voice. It came from around a corner, slightly muffled.

"Make him cry? You betcha!..." said the voice.
I could also hear slot machine bells ringing in the distance, possibly above me. It was hard to tell. My head was swimming.

I was in a darkened room. A bare light bulb hung above me. The glare hurt my eyes. I wasn't sure how I got here, but I knew I was in deep shit. My hands and feet were tied to a large metal chair. My head throb from chemicals injected earlier.

Sarah Palin came around the corner, stopping when she saw me.

"Well good morning Mr. Zeke! I'm so glad we have this time to talk" she said. Her riding crop snacked me on the side of my head, just in front of my ear. It hurt. A lot.

"I'm going to talk for a little while, and then you're going to talk. The more talking, the less pain.” Said the former governor. She looked great. I was scared shitless.

"Fuck you!" I spurted with one of my teeth flying out and bouncing across the floor. It was an incisor.

"Mr. Zeke, that is no way to speak to your betters." Her riding crop flashed again, and I wince from the pain. "Now listen up, you socialist liberal Godless peacenik."

I steeled myself for what would come next.

"Your little blog has caused me much pain over the past two years. And that's to stop. Today. You saw how easy it was for us to grab you from your pathetic little bar, and we'll do it again." she paced back and forth, as she spoke. And she looked fabulous in her nifty red torture jacket.

Then a blonde haired pudgy man stepped forward into the light, shadows draining across his face. He was wearing a vinyl smock over an expensive Brooks Brothers suit with a member of Congress lapel pin. It was him. This is bad.

"Dr. Heller is going to insert a chip in your arm. This chip will stay in your arm forever. If you cover it up, or remove it we will kill you, Just like we're going to kill health care reform." said Palin cheerfully. Her face was so close to mine I could smell the baby seal meat and anchovies Po' boy on her breath.

Dean "the Doctor" Heller pulled up my sleeve and started cutting into my bicep. The pain was exquisite. He giggled as he completed the surgery. It hurt almost as much as watching Jim Gibbons press conference.

Palin stepped forward and hovered over top of me "We are watching you. We have people everywhere now. There will be no more "stories" about me, or any of our tea party Republicans. It's over. Do you understand?"

"Bite me" I managed, and the riding crop came down on my nose and right eye. The world grew white for a second.

"Your act is getting very old, Mr. Zeke. We are very serious people. A very serious mission. Fake journalist like you have no place in our New Tea Party World Order. We can keep this back-and-forth crap up all day, or I can to bring "The Enforcer" in here to talk to you.

"NO! Not him!" My worst fear. Washoe DA Dick Gammick. The most evil man outside of West Africa.

"Okay. Whatever you want..." I mumbled.

"That's better. We can get along, can't we? Just listen to what Mama Grizzly says, and everything will be all right." Said Palin. She turned and disappeared into the darkness.

After a couple more minutes, Heller finished cutting into my arm, and I felt a needle slide into my neck. A warm sensation passed through my head as I faded into unconsciousness. Just before passing out I heard "Don't tread on us, motherfucker."

I awoke in the dark, our outsidtside in some bushes. I stumbled to my feet and looked to see the Atlantis Casino Hotel and Resort rising above me. I was lucky. I felt my arm, touching the bandages from the "surgery". This was bad.

I'm on the run now. Looking over my shoulder. Taking new routes everywhere. Staying in the shadows. Don't contact me anymore, I'm a ghost; a phantom. Watch your back. They're everywhere; The Tea Party is Watching.

It's a new morning in America. And I'm scared.

©2010 FauxNews

Sarah Palin to Return to Reno for 2nd Interview with Zeke

2010-10-14T09:32:00.000-07:00

© FauxNews - October 14, 2010
Lakes Crossing, Nevada - Recently published news articles have incorrectly reported that GOP guru and court-jester-maker Sarah Palin will return to Reno on Monday, October 18th to support senatorial candidate Sharron Angle.

In reality, Palin will be returning to do a secret second interview with Zeke Says So publisher Zeke Reno. In 2008, recently announced GOP presidential vice president candidate Sarah Palin sat down for an infamous interview with Zeke Says So, however neither party was happy with the results, although all charges were dropped later.

"The 'Rally for Angle' is just an elaborate ruse", stated one anonymous campaign worker who noted "Even the craziest of us in the Republican Party don't think that lunatic Angle has a chance against Reid. Nevadans are pretty dumb, but not that dumb."

During this new interview, to be held at the secret Republican bunker under the Atlantis Hotel and Casino, specific rules have been agreed upon by both parties for the protection of Palin's "time" and Zeke Reno's ribs, nose and teeth. Zeke will also be allowed to wear a bulletproof vest and hang a bottle of Holy Water around his neck.

Angle Warns of Smurf Takeover

2010-10-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

October 7th, 2010 Me-Quit, Nevada - At a campaign stop today at the American Association of Paranoid Schizophrenics, candidate for US Senator of Nevada Sharron Angle made a bold proclamation that Smurfs were preparing to attack and take over the United States.

No stranger to wedge politics, Angle has made a campaign of isolating minority or in this case, imaginary groups and claiming they were plotting to take over. Today she or her campaign surrogates have blamed the "state of our nation" on Muslims, Socialists, atheists, unions, gays, teachers, Mexicans and Californians.

During her speech to the AAPS, Angle allegedly said "Papa is actually the Smurf term for "mullah". I have it on good authority that he plans to install Smurf law and require all men in America to wear stupid looking Smurf hats, and all of the females wear big white high heels. Worst of all, it's a known fact that Smurfs are communist and secular humanists tree huggers. You know, Satanists."

Brigham Lasky, a spokesman for the Harry Reid campaign said "We are very happy that Sharron has decided to help our campaign by continuing to act like a lunatic."

Krolicki Rescued From Chilean Mine

2010-10-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

San Sebastian, Chile - Chilean rescue workers were shocked today when they pulled Nevada's Lieut. Gov. Brian Krolicki from a mine with 20 other trapped workers. It appears no one knew that Krolicki had been trapped in the mine for the past four months, nor was anyone aware he was missing to begin with.

Chilean spokesman Otis Sandoval said through a translator "Well, we had this guy saying he was an important elected official back in America, but we thought he had just been hit on the head and was, you know, loco. It turns out he is loco, but also is the Lieutenant Governor of Nevada."

When FauxNews contacted the lieutenant governor's office in Carson City, they were unaware he had been missing for four months. Janet Stockbridge, a spokesman for the Lieutenant Governor said "Lt. Gov. Krolicki has a back door to his office, and famously doesn't like to talk to any of his staff, so what do you expect? It's not like he was doing anything here anyway. Other than playing Madden NFL 2010 in his underwear."

Recent polls report that Krolicki is in a dead heat for re-election, and also believed to be a type of foot fungus. Polls also found that Justin Bieber is totally hot, ang that race cars are cool. Vroom Vroom!

Krolicki faces off against completely overqualified Reno City Councilwoman Jessica Sferrazza on November 2, unless Krolicki gets trapped in another mine, or is abducted by space aliens. Again."

Al Qaeda Wild Horses Attacked Nevada Governor

2010-09-23T12:21:00.000-07:00

©FauxNews - September 23, 2010

Security photos of the terrorists

Nixon, Nevada - In an early morning attack, Al Qaeda terrorist wild horses attacked Nevada's Gov. Jim Gibbons. The horses apparently had infiltrated a compound north of Pyramid Lake before attacking the governor by throwing him to the ground and breaking his hip in two places.

Nevada Homeland Security announced that the assault will "be met immediately with force, with every resource we have. We cannot stand for such naked horse aggression."

An undisclosed US Army source has reported that two US Army Air Calvary squadrons of Apache gunship helicopters have been dispatched from Fort Nimrod to "deal with the growing horse insurgency in northern Nevada. It will be over pretty quick."

Wild horse advocate Jim Bunting said "This is an outrage! The Nevada government or CIA was clearly behind this attack, and are using the horses as a patsy for the operation. This is the beginning of a genocide, people. Wake up! Please visit 9.22Truth.org to find out more about this extensive cover-up and conspiracy."

One horse involved in the attack, Sassafras Sally, has been remanded to custody for interrogation in an undisclosed location. The other members of the Al Qaeda horse assault team have fled to the nearby rugged Pah Rah mountainous and apparently are hiding in caves, or possibly lush valleys full of grass and rainbows.

Don't Debate On Me!

2010-09-22T16:34:00.000-07:00

Not Raggio. Not Reid. NOBODY! I am my own person!

Congress Votes to Dissolve the United States. Really.

2010-09-21T07:31:00.000-07:00

© September 21, 2010
Appomattox, VA - "It was a good run", said Congressman David Palmer (D-WA) as he emerged from the House chambers on Monday night,

The U.S. Congress has officially dissolved the United States into three separate countries and a series of territories. Discussion of the disintegration of the Constitution had been done in secret, as to speed up the process and allow for less posturing by all parties.

The three new countries are Dixietopia (NC,SC,AL,LA,TX,KY,TN,MS,MO,AZ,NM), West America (CA,WA,OR,HI,NV) and the United States of Diversity and Rust(most of the former East Coast and upper Midwest states).

Alaska, Oklahoma, Wyoming, Montana and the Dakotas were sold to Exxon and Shell Oil, with the requirement that all former citizens of those states be given jobs in oil production and mining. Also free healthcare and all the cigarettes and beer they want. The new corporate states also signed a 500 year energy price cost guarantee with the three new countries.

Former President of the United States of America Barack Obama said "it's kind of a shame, uh, to be the last President of the United States, but it, uh, least our people won't have to be divided anymore. I was elected, uh, to be "the great unifier", and it looks like I succeeded. Everybody will be united: in their own countries. Separately and Equally™."

New Monarch of West America Arnold Schwarzenegger commented "This was a lot easier than changing the old Constitution, to make me President. Now is the time you kiss my ring, serf."

Although the new boundaries have been drawn, National Guard troops will allow free flow of immigrants across the borders for six months as blacks gays and atheists move from Dixietopia, and conservatives, evangelicals and Fox News moves in.

Cheering for Doom

2010-09-20T10:13:00.000-07:00

I completely understand when a person secretly (or maybe not so secretly) cheers for their enemies to fail. Makes perfect sense. In the competition for limited resources, like an elected office or possession of an undivideable object, sometimes somebody has to lose, for you to win.

However.

What's with the latest form of "spectator doom cheering" our society has evolved?

Like environmentalists cheering for a warm winter or a super hot summer? I know it must be annoying for environmentalists to have to argue with "global warming is a conspiracy" Luddites, but hoping that a lack of winter rains and snows with warm temperatures on the East Coast of the US and Europe, simply to help you make your case, IS SICK!

Or what about the H1N1 outbreak last year? Crazy conspiracy guys and gals lamented endlessly about how the purported and upcoming outbreak never happened. Some of my medical field friends actually complained that they were concerned that people weren't going to take future warnings seriously, and said things like "I wish more people had gotten H1N1". These are people in the medical profession, people who are supposed to care about other humans. Even more sick(yes that is a pun).

And of course, we have the Republicans. Not only do the Congressional Republicans openly hope that our economy sinks into a "double dip", by continuing obstructionists behavior they actually are helping to make it happen. It's like the suicide victim; "I'll show you how miserable I am. BANG!" I think this actually might be mental illness, as well as sick.

So what am I saying here?

Stop it.

Human misery is bad enough, without us losing our humanity to feel the suffering of others.

When Crazy Meets Selfish

2010-09-13T18:25:00.000-07:00

There is an upside to Sharron Angle...the national news sure mentions Nevada a lot now.

Reno's Best Blog

2010-09-02T11:06:00.000-07:00

Well is that time of year again. The time when many many bloggers suck up to you, in a vain attempt to win your vote for "Best Blogger in Northern Nevada" in the Reno News and Reviews "best of " contest.

And frankly, I'm sick of it.

I'm not gonna do it. No way.

Although, if I can appeal to your logic, you should vote for me anyway!

After all, there really are no other blogs in Reno. Reno and its Discontents packed up and left. Reno Gazette Journal's political blog INP is done. MrJerz.com writes only about his favorite beer cans or something now and makes weird David Lynch style videos (doesn't that make him a television network?). And of course DullardMush.com is doing exactly what he accused me of doing two years ago, short junky posts often linking to other "non-original content".

Of course, there's always the DowntownMakeoverBlog, but that's like cheering for your grandmother working the stripper pole: even if she's good, it's still boring.

So you're basically left with me. But that's okay, after all sometimes the last guy left standing deserves the win.

And that is me.

VOTE HERE.

Future Possible Huge Embarrassing Failure

2010-08-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

6 Other Things in Sharron Angle's Lock Box

2010-08-26T07:35:00.000-07:00

You've seen the commercials. And yes, Sharron Angle is doing an impression of Al Gore's Social Security "lockbox" campaign promise. It's weird to say the least. To say that most, it's disgusting.

However, since it's campaign season and Angle is a Republican, I suppose we should expect her to do her best "moderate Democrat impression" to try to take votes away from Harry Reid. Will it work?

I bet it won't, if the world finds out about these other things, she has in her "lock box":

A Beating Heart of The Old Man
$40,000 in Nazi Gold
An "Edited" Copy of the US Constitution
An Enemies List (Zeke is #4, Ralston #2)
Small bottle of Ron Paul's Blood
Loaded .357 Magnum with "journalist killer" Bullets

Social Security's Old Angle

2010-08-25T07:43:00.000-07:00

5 Things I Don't Care About

2010-08-24T07:03:00.000-07:00

Manhattan Mosque

I don't live in New York. I don't want to live in New York. I don't know anyone who died in 9/11. And I know that Islam is not responsible for 9/11. This is a manufactured controversy. Every time the discussion comes up, the Conservatives win.

Anybody's Divorce

Tiger Woods. Jim Gibbons. Sandra Bullock. Anyone's. And why should we? Are our lives that boring? Are actual news stories so complex now days, that they've been replaced with this trite crap?

The National Debt

Let me qualify that; the long-term national debt. We do have systematic structural long-term debt issues with our budgeting process. However, the wolf at the door right now is our current economy. It is disingenuous to infer that the current situation has anything to do with this debt. Or with Social Security. Or with illegal immigration.

2012

If I need to explain to you that a civilization that died out centuries ago, and had not yet invented the wheel, is capable of predicting future intergalactic calamity, you should probably stop reading this right now and go back to your X-Men comic books. And that is not a dis on X-Men. Excelsior!

Sharron Angle

I wasn't really concerned about our Biggest Little Wingnut™ , but now since she's announced she will debate Sen. Reid, I am double plus not afraid of her. By the way, she's going to lose.

Is "Obama a Muslim" Really What It's All about?

2010-08-23T16:43:00.000-07:00

Today I saw online, on the radio and on TV multiple stories about Obama being a Muslim. Just like in 2008. Just like in 2009. Just like in 2011, for that matter.

All sane people know he was born in Hawaii and is a legal US citizen. Hawaii has produced a birth certificate.

So why does the GOP/Tea Party/Conservative Radio keep bringing it up? Simple: they aren't trying to convince America that he is a Muslim, but rather want to scare America into fearing Muslims in general.

Every time a liberal/progressive refutes the "Muslim" charge, they're in a sense, being taught that it's bad to be Muslim.

Remember during the 2008 election when Obama was accused of being: an "elitist" or a "socialist" or an "angry black guy" or a "terrorist"? It was like a laundry list of bad things. However, the campaigns for each of those sounded very similar. Lots of trumped up charges, crazy connections and plenty of the innuendo to go around. No facts. No proof. Just slander and ad hominem attacks.

But the Muslim charges different, isn't it. It would be hard to find someone who actually thinks that Islam is really a dangerous religion. Radical Islamists, did attack the US nine years ago, but so what? Radical Christians have attacked Americans many many times, including since then, including bombings (Atlanta Olympics), shootings( killed a doctor in a church? hello) and planning the overthrow of our country (just Google "militia"sometime).

It's not the "Islamist" part we should be paying attention to, it's the "radical".

However, every time somebody has another talk show or write a blog post about how Obama is not a "dirty rotten terrible horrible evil mean murderess crazy wild eyed" Muslim, the brainwashing will continue. You aren't meaning to think it, but it's still happening. And it might even be more insidious than having a rat cage on your head, Winston.

Soon even you, Keith Olbermann, will believe that it was Muslims that stole your bike in sixth grade, along with causing global warming and every other bad thing you can think of, real or imagined.

I'm not falling for it.

Sandoval and Rory

2010-08-20T06:49:00.000-07:00

Ironically, the race between Brian Sandoval and Rory Reid for governor of Nevada is by far the most important race going on in the state.

Of course, since the national news media has been "trained" by both left and right to dial in on every "Majority Leader of the Senate" race, this time the Reid/Angle race, there isn't much buzz about the gubernatorial contest.

After the census is completed, the state Legislature will begin drawing the new election district lines. This is huge. Despite reports from the GOP, all signs point to the Democrats holding onto both the Assembly and Senate in the state, allowing them to draw the boundaries in their favor. Of course, without a friendly Democrat in the governor's mansion and many votes short of a veto proof majority, we can expect an ugly fight and a major compromise to get it done.

Furthermore, if Sandoval wins, there will certainly be expected a rehash of the Gibbons Veto Fest of 2009 ub the 2011 session. Sandoval has so far refused to sign the Chuck Muth "No Tax Pledge" form, which is a good thing, my cynical bones tell me that this might just be an attempt to court "the middle". After all, it's not like he's going to lose any supporters on the Right by not signing the pledge.

And if I was on Rory's staff, I would tell him to sign the damn pledge, forcing Sandoval to sign it. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and being 12% behind, 75 days from the election is a desperate situation.

So is Sandoval a secret Democrat? Who knows. Stranger things have happened (T Roosevelt, Justice O'Connor etc.). Like none of the media are pointing out, he has never actually been elected to any office, and has no legislative history to speak of. He could actually turn out to be the moderate that I think at this point, voters are looking for.

And the exact reason why the Sandoval/Reid race is getting so little coverage, a lack of controversial actors, is exactly why it should get more coverage. It's the most important race in the state.

Poem of Merit: Momma Grizzly Angle

2010-08-19T07:37:00.000-07:00

There once was a bear named Sharron,

who infamously disliked sharing or caring,

She sat in her cave,

Never campaigning by day,

and only on Fox News ever appearing.

Zeke Reno

Arizona 2015

2010-08-18T08:13:00.000-07:00

Okay.

Yesterday I blather on about how dumb we are en masse. Governments and individuals are often completely wracked by the effects of unintended consequences of laws/decisions.

Take Arizona for example. According to either side in the immigration debate, large groups of Latinos are leaving the state for Mexico or other US states. It is happening.

But what will the kong term effects be?

Good question.

Arizona certainly will feel a dramatic change in both it's tax revenues, and also expenditures. Arizona's business and personal income tax will take a hit on the taxpaying Latinos moving from the state. Obviously, convention businesses disappearing will also impact their state coffers, but only if this remains such a contentious issue in the next few years. The disappearance of potential property owner/renters will continue to soften the Phoenix/Tucson housing market and cause property values to decrease.

Not a good thing, considering Arizona is basically broke at this point (yeah, but who ain't?).

On the other hand, there will be a corresponding drop-off in liabilities/payments by the state. Although I don't buy the whole "immigrants create all of the crime" arguments you hear from the Right, there are many social services and health care considerations that illegal aliens and first-generation immigrants (who are also leaving out of fear/revoltion) create. The decreased use of hospital emergency rooms as a "free doctor visit" will certainly lower State and hospital overhead. The need for K-12 teachers will slow, as retirees again start to outnumber "families with kids".

Of course, as the joke goes, all of the hedges and trees in Phoenix will soon be overgrown from the lack of yard keeping. The "going rate" of many services including landscaping but also childcare/nannies, housekeeping and hundreds of other graymarket jobs will certainly rise, as licensed (and legal) non-immigrants fill in the missing spots. This might eventually cause a higher cost of living in Arizona, currently at 70% of US average, and eventually slow an influx of new residents to the state. Of course, there might be an influx of small contractors/daycare/landscapers to fill in those gaps vacated by the fleeing Latinos. I've have no idea.

How will wash out? That's a good question.

In politics, perception is more important than reality and since this is already a political football interpretation of the results of the Arizona law will be as contentious as the potential ramifications are being debated now.

The real result of the law I figure, will be that Arizona will slide even more to the right, more than any state in the nation. Even Texas. They will define themselves as the Ayn Rand conservative Wonderland, and will probably continue with other "controversial" legislation in short order. In fact, I have a feeling they're just getting started. And when they introduce legislation that bans all forms of taxes, all environmental laws and renames the Phoenix airport as "Rush Limbaugh Freedom Field", George Orwell will rise from his grave and run for governor of America's most dystopic state.

Oh yeah.
They'll also probably change the name of the state to Freedonia.

Groucho Marx will rise from the dead, and demand royalty payments.

We Can't Trust Ourselves. Really.

2010-08-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

Referendums. Got to love them.
Maybe not.

It seems to me, that every time we ask the public a question be it a property tax cap or gay marriage, the drooling, uneducated inebriates of America come up with the wrong answer.

We know this.

And if you ask me, our "Founding Fathers" created our representative government, one that elects the people who make laws, versus a true democracy, for that simple reason. We are a bunch of idiots. Always have been, and always will be.

However, sometimes our representative government needs a kick in the pants. Perfect example: Arizona's immigration law. Whereas most of the knuckleheads in Arizona see the immigration problem as a personal issue (in other words, they don't like people speaking Spanish around them because it makes them feel dumb), there actually is an immigration problem in the United States.

And worst off, it's a political football. Both Republicans and Democrats have turned immigration into a wedge issue, therefore rendering actual change and reform impossible. Swing district Democrats are terrified to bring up immigration reform because they're afraid of losing white voters. Right now, there are no swing district Republicans in Congress, but in two years there probably will be. At that point, those Republicans won't want to talk about immigration reform because they think they will lose their "sympathetic" nonpartisan voters that elected them in 2010.

But Arizona has really changed the game, by making this a top-tier issue. The fires are burning hot on both sides, one side screaming "racist" and the other side screaming "lawbreakers". And because any concessions that are made, will be seen as a victory for the other side, nobody is prepared to budge.

The swing district congressman/woman prefer not to do anything, and in so the "veto proof majority" needed to enact reform is impossible to achieve. It's a stalemate, and in the meantime the fires get stoked ever higher and higher by the respective camps.

Arizona, through their state legislature, and backed strongly by their citizenry, has simply required that the government to enforces its laws. Nothing more nothing less. There's no mandatory racism requirement, but simply a requirement that law enforcement officers be obliged to ask the question "where you from, pal?" Our Customs and border patrol agents do it all day long. And more importantly, the checks and balances are obvious. Racial profiling and discrimination is still illegal in Arizona, and cops that abuse the law would certainly be on the hook for millions in lawsuits with an overreach interpretation.

But Arizona did it, and I don't doubt the US Supreme Court's eventual decision (barring a personnel change) will be in favor of the Arizona law as written. I'm not a jurist, but our Constitution does have language specifically detailing different classifications of statuses and even rights for people who are citizens or foreigners residing in the US. Don't worry, we'll all be experts on this soon enough.

So what's going to happen Zeke? What will be the financial/cultural impact upon Arizona and United States? Well, I'll tell you.

Tomorrow.

Sarah Palin Says So

2010-08-16T16:45:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin Says So

The Race That Wasn't

2010-08-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

God knows the press is making a big stink about the Reid - Angle race, and why shouldn't they? After all, by being the Majority Leader of the Senate has become the number two name in the wingnut chance "Obama, Reid and Pelosi... blah blah blah" for so many months.

But seriously, does anybody think Sharron Angle REALLY has a chance of winning?

I don't. And I know better.

It's of course in the media's best interest to stoke the fires and pretend that this race is going to wind up neck and neck in November. Kind of like they did with Obama and McCain. Remember how that turned out? Landslide.

I'm not going to even bother pointing out all the crazy things as Sharron Angle believes, but I'll just say this: I can't find one living breathing person who thinks she's going to win, or more importantly, is planning on voting for. Including Republicans and independents. Not one.

Of course in our state of millions of people, statistically you will find people that believe in all sorts of crazy things. Bigfoot, alien abductions, Jim Gibbons governorship, etc. but when you get right down to it, it doesn't even take a very good bullshit detector to realize she's nuts. The public ain't that dumb.

"But Zeke. What about the polls?" Good point. The problem is, Southern Nevada and the rurals are not as familiar with angle as we here in Reno are. But sooner or later, thanks to the media frenzy. The truth will come out. And just like most Republicans, truth is always bad for their campaign.

Reno City Council Votes to Create Oil Spill Disaster

2010-07-15T10:58:00.000-07:00

©FauxNews July 15, 2010
Reno, Nevada - The Reno City Council voted yesterday 5-2 to stage a fake oil spill on the Truckee River. Council documents indicate that the plan will be executed to "bring free worldwide media attention to Reno" and also "Provide jobs for our citizenry while cleaning up the fake mess".

Details of the plan include a secret contract with Lockheed to build a giant, fake oil tanker that will be installed near Verdi, Nevada and made to look like it is spilling it's 40,000,000 gallon load into the pristine mountain river. When asked about the reported plans, Lockheed spokesman Randall Pistolt said "What? Are you on drugs? By the way, jackass, Lockheed was bought out 20 years ago. There is no such company anymore. I don't exist."

Voting against the measure were non-crazy councilwoman Jessica Sferrazza and Mayor Bob Cashell who is apparently considering not being crazy in the future.

Bob Tompkins, a media consultant who worked with the city of Reno argued "It makes perfect sense if you think about it. Look at Louisiana. That place is a shithole, full of horrible horrible people. Now of course, because of Katrina and the oil spill, the same awful awful people get more sympathy than anyone else, AND $40 billion infused into the local economy. I think Reno would be much better as "a victim" rather than "a joke" is portrayed as now".

The city announced on its secret website "RENObscure.com that a contest would be used to select the name of the fake wrecked oil tanker. Front-runners so far in the contest are "Miss Atlantic City" and "Indian Gaming".

Rory Reid Changes Last Name to Sexstone

2010-07-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

© FauxNews July 8, 2010
- Ely, Nevada - In a press release this morning, Clark County Commission Chair and Democratic nominee for governor, Rory Reid officially changed his last name. The Commissioner had been running with poor poll numbers against fake moderate GOP nominee Brian Sandoval for several months, lately showing nearly 20 points behind the former extremist judge.

"Hey, sorry dad. But just like you, I'm a scrapper. I am going to do just about anything to win, and if that means dumping our family's spoiled surname, that's what I'm going to do." said Rory Reid today as he left the courthouse.

As for where "Sexstone" came from, the Reid campaign reportedly used Google to come up with words that had the popular connotations, and combined them. Campaign manager Josh Woodson said "We picked two words that connotated strength. And then we doubled down. We had thought about 'Palin', but then we all threw up and decided not to. Gross."

Sen. Harry Reid's office had no official statement, but off the record the Majority Leader of the Senate said "I am going to kick his little ass the next time I see him. Wait. Is that recorder on? Do you know what 'off the record' means, you Fourth Estate, asshole?"

Nevada Flavored Vodka?

2010-07-06T10:04:00.000-07:00

I know some of you "newspaper reading type" people have seen the story about salmon flavored vodka that is being sold to commemorate Alaska. All the hipsters were talking about last night at the bar.

But what about the real states? You know, like Virginia and Idaho? You know, real states where actual people live?

Fortunately, ZSS Corp. Distillery has announced a new line of state flavored vodkas, for your discerning palate, complete with corresponding flavors based on the flavor of the state. Get yours today!

Oklahoma -- Bible Flavored Vodka
Michigan -- Rust Flavored Vodka
California -- Reefer Flavored Vodka (also available in Oregon)
Texas -- Cow Shit Flavored Vodka
New York -- Cabdriver Flavored Vodka
Massachusetts -- Healthcare Flavored Vodka (served in a syringe)
Louisiana -- Tar Ball Flavored Vodka
Montana -- Scared Sheep Flavored Vodka
Florida -- Old Jew Flavored Vodka
Arizona -- Latino Tears Flavored Vodka
Utah -- White Bread and Marshmallow Flavored Faux-Vodka Water
and lastly
Nevada -- Dead Hooker Flavored Vodka

Sharron Angle Victory Was Just a Practical Joke. Really.

2010-06-24T06:24:00.000-07:00

© FauxNews - June 24, 2010
Mesquite, Nevada - Sources within the Nevada Republican Party announced this morning that the apparent victory in the Nevada primary two weeks ago by crazy, wingnut, angry, maligned Sharron Angle was actually an elaborate joke, perpetrated on The Republican National Committee and noted big frog, journalist Jon Ralston.

Billy Bob Soutersmith, PR director for the NvGOP said in a press release "It was just a really dumb joke that got out of control. Kind of like Jim Gibbons governorship. We thought everybody would figure it out right away, but apparently we make so many idiotic decisions, the media thought this absolutely retarded election outcome was for real. Truly amazing. We will have Sue Lowden, who won by a landslide in reality, back out on the campaign trail this afternoon. Of course, the problem is now somebody's got to tell gun toting Sharron."

An undisclosed insider believes the joke was perpetuated on the RNC as payback for their disallowing the Nevada delegates their seats at the Minneapolis 2008 National GOP Convention. Pretending that the state actually elected a nominee so completely incapable of winning a race against Harry Reid, might just settle the score from 2008.

Prior to this morning's revelation of the hoax, Jon Ralston, noted big frog, had spent the last two weeks attempting to establish himself as "the authority" on the imaginary Angle campaign. Since this morning's announcement Ralston has gone into hiding in his "pundit Castle" inside a hollowed out volcano near Mount Charleston Nevada.

Harry Reid's campaign manager Bluto "Knuckles" Antonio chuckled when asked about the story, adding "youse guys have some real balls calling yourselves journalists. My pit bull "Laxalt" has more investigative skills then you. But we already all know that."

10 Fun Facts About "Uncaring" Sharron Angle

2010-06-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

With Sharron "Mrs. Dangle" Angle beating out the chicken lady, many news sources are playing catch-up to find out more about the new "Great Really White Hope" of the GOP, to beat Harry Reid in November.

Here are a couple facts you probably didn't know about the GOP's nominee for U.S. Senate from Nevada:

She Is Unable to Blink Her Eyes
Nickname in High School Was "lil' Spooky"
She Has a Recurring Role in "Gossip Girl" as "strange parent #3"
She Was Excommunicated from the Jedi Church for "embracing the Dark Side"
Had a Plot Foiled by Scooby Doo Once, back in the 70s
Keeps Pet Cobras in Her Living Room As Pets
Has a Level III Certificate As a Flying Monkey Trainer
Likes to Chop Open Beer Barrels with an Ax
Shakes Her Fist at Every Passing School Bus, and yells "Socialists!"
Scares the Living Shit Out Of Zeke

EVEN MORE STUFF

Eight Job Prospects for Sue Lowden (For Next Wednesday)

2010-06-04T10:57:00.000-07:00

Sue Lowden is going to lose. It will be a happy day in Tea Party Land when they pick the extremist Sharron Angle as their anointed candidate for U.S. Senate in Nevada. There will be a big fuss, Fox news will talk about how the tea party is changing American politics blah blah blah.

But what of poor little Sue? What will she do? After all, she just accomplished the impossible! A female, attractive, conservative connected Republican, with piles of money and endorsements out the ying-yang managed to lose to a poor, crazy woman from Reno, single-handedly. Unbelievable.

She can't just go back to be just being a millionaire's wife, hanging around the pool in Vegas, and screwing up the Nevada GOP as a hobby. No. She needs to aspire to more. To reach out and touch the gilded flame of possibilities. Of Grandeur. Of Relevance And Significance! Her ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory must be fed!

So to help her, here are a couple leads for the soon-to-be ex-candidate for US Sen. from Nevada Sue "Sub" Lowden.

PR director for Toyota America
Mdm. of the Chicken Ranch, Pahrump Nevada
VP of Safety for BP International
Judge on American Idol, Redneck Edition (currently in pre-production)
Tear Wrangler for Glenn Beck Show
Tourism Director for State of Arizona
Faux-News Correspondent
Chair of the RNC

Low Turnout Democrats? Flunked Math Didn't You?

2010-06-01T08:50:00.000-07:00

Uh, what?

Every day news reports come out across Nevada piping up about the "excited Republican base", and the "unexcited Democratic base" in regards to this year's early voting leading up to June 8 primary.

The only problem is, if you look at it logically, it's the Republicans who are in fact under-performing, in their turnout.

Why? I'm glad you asked.

The top two offices up for election in the primary, Governor and US Senator already have their Democratic candidates decided. The chance of anyone beating the Reids and zero. And everybody knows it.

However the Republicans, even with an incumbent in the governor's mansion, are duking it out with dozens of candidates and spending millions of dollars for both offices. The TV ads are wall-to-wall, and not a Democratic Candidate among'em.

So is the fact that the Republicans are out "turning out" the Democrats 4-3 in news worthy story?

Sure!

From where I'm sitting the GOP candidates have currently spent about $135,000 per primary vote and the Democrats have spent $11,000.

Sounds to me like yet another massive NV GOP fail.

Danny Tarkanian: Hit the Showers, Goofy

2010-05-21T13:03:00.000-07:00

He had no business running in this race. Everything he says, is presented better (or more wingnutty) by his opponents Sharon Angle or Sue Lowden. And in a partisan party primary race, the more extreme the better.

Tarkanian has tried to get some tea party cred lately, but it hasn't work. In fact The Tea Party Express is making fun of him. Not good, in this year of "outsiderism and wingnutism".

In fact the only thing he's got going for him, other than his cool sexy Vegas area sports name, is that he's a guy. A dude. A man. A Bro. A penis.

Republican voters like men. Every elected Nevada Republican in federal or constitutional (state) office is a boy. All of them. in fact I think the last elected woman Republican is now in prison for murder. Yikes.

I don't think Lowden or Angle are men, but who knows. They present themselves as women, and that is a BIG downside, for Republican voters at least.

I'm not saying Republicans don't like women. The only way for them in lesbian bondage strip bars dressed up like Sarah Palin. (The GOP makes this so easy)

Anyway, Tarkanian ain't gonna win. You can count on that. Zeke Says So.

Sharron Angle: Harry's Girl

2010-05-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

Ok.

Right off the bat let me clear this up: I'm not implying that Sen. Harry Reid is giving money to the Sharron Angle campaign in her bid to win the 2010 GOP Senate nomination. Reid doesn't need to, there are plenty of other crazy rich right-wingers who are willing to do that.

However, I am saying that Harry Reid wants Sharon Angle to be the GOP nominee. Absolutely.

It all comes down to math. Nevada has an official "Tea Party" candidate on the November ballot already, and unless some very very very well paid GOP lawyer can get him thrown off, some tea party voters will be voting for him. Maybe not many, but enough to swing this election in Reid's favor. In some of Reid's past elections, he has won office by less than 1000 votes, and in this certainly close election, Tea Party Boy might want to consider changing his name to Ross Perot.

So to sum it up, if Angle wins the nomination, Harry Reid has it locked up.

Note: I realize I usually make much more fun of Sharron Angle, but I think I saw her at the shooting range last month. She has a very very big gun. And her silhouette targets looked a little bit like me. Actually, a lot like me.

Sue Lowden: Like Sands in an Hourglass

2010-05-21T08:44:00.000-07:00

She is the front runner. At least according to the various media outlets, and legitimate and illegitimate polling entities.

But is she really? Consider this:

The nationwide trend of throwing out Republican incumbents is pretty well-established. Sue Lowden is the closest thing the GOP has to an incumbent in this race. She is the establishment candidate, and has been endorsed by everybody up and down the ticket.
Sue Lowden is the enemy of the tea party activists. Her role as the NV GOP chair when she shut down the "pre-Tea Party" Ron Paul supporter led effort to takeover the 2008 GOP NV state convention has come full circle. The Ron Paul Gang has not forgotten, and see this race as means to obtain vengeance on her.
Harry Reid is openly attacking Lowden. To me, this serves two purposes:

Get her out of the race, so Harry can face an easier to beat Sharron Angle.
Soften her up a bit for the General Election.

The biggest problem Lowden has right now is time. Whereas the tea party folks have always hated her and never considered voting for her, the more mainstream Republicans are starting to reconsider her as their candidate. She appears to have a couple skeletons in her closet, and also has demonstrated an amazing ability to "create" issues by opening her mouth.

Even worse for Lowden, mainstream Republicans like her did not win this week in other state GOP primaries. And since Republicans always do what the other Republicans do, "establishments Sue" has some problems.

With the primary ending on June 8th, the question is: how many Republicans will cast a ballot for her this weekend, before she says something even stupider and loses the race entirely by destroying "mainstream credibility" with the non-tea party Republicans who plan to vote?

I guess we'll see. Low turnout and Lowden is done, Zeke thinks.

Lowden, Angle and Curly

2010-05-21T07:43:00.000-07:00

So, I'm sitting in the bar last night and my tea party friend Adolf says "Hey Zeke. How comes yous never talks no more about Republicans? Everybody down at the Tea Party Compound is in the fervor over the GOP Senate race, but yous have nothing to about it no more?"
And my little neo-Nazi buddy is correct; I haven't said much.

Reason?

I've been laughing too hard to be able to type.

These guys have been making up their own jokes, better than anything I could come up with, all by themselves. It's like having a Nevada Bush administration. I mean, to outshine Gov. Gibbons in ridiculousness is a pretty good trick.

So, now that early voting is getting ready to start around the state, it's time for me to chime in. I guess. I mean it's been fun watching the prognosticators, spin bloggers and partisan nematodes spew forth their predictions about the GOP primary, but it's time for some intelligent analysis. Or maybe it's just time for some analysis from me.

Stay tuned.

Poems of Merit: Terrible Ty's Tantrum

2010-05-06T08:18:00.000-07:00

Ty Cobb the new hero of the Right,

a torch he carries with youthful might,

but after a few,

their new hero "unglues",

to stomp campaign signs at red lights.

-Zeke Reno

Liberal Pot, Conservative Kettle

2010-04-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

Don't you hate hypocrisy?

If you're an American, I bet you do.

And we have some serious hypocrisy on.

Some of the lefties down at the bar, have been complaining lately about the Arizona immigration bill. They are organizing boycotts, lecturing each other about how horrible it all is, and raising a whole hell of a lot of noise about the perceived injustice of the bill.

In fact, they've gone as far as to suggest the government is going to abuse their power and turn the state into a fascist regime, complete with jackbooted cops who will force "hard-working American citizens" to submit to their will.

Does any of this sound familiar? It does to me.

It is literally, word for word, the same bullshit that the tea party activists said last summer regarding health care reform. In fact, the PLAN protesters yesterday probably could have saved a lot of money and time by recycling the signs the tea party people threw away once health care passed. That is a joke.

I hate to point it out, but this time it's the left that's overreacting. There is no way in hell the Arizona immigration bill will go into effect. It was poorly written, and includes so many ridiculous mandates, it has 0% chance of holding up any court challenge. And there have already been dozens filed. On top of that, very few police departments in Arizona have stated outright that they intend to follow the law.

How to Tell the Pope Is a Republican

2010-04-02T08:47:00.000-07:00

The signs are pretty obvious; if the Pope was an American, he'd be voting GOP. How can you tell?

Here are the clues:

Old
White
Anti-Gay
Secretly Gay
Won't Resign after a Scandal
Drives a Giant Car
Says "You Betcha" a lot (in Latin)
Has Many ~~Slaves~~ Servants
Requires Unconditional Obedience
Super Rich
Did I Mention He's Old and White?
Goes to Church
Has a Name for His House
Believes He Is Above the Law
Likes to Tell People What They Can Do in the Bedroom
You can't get more conservative, than to be the head of an organization that hasn't changed its dogma doctrine in 1000 years.

The Next 5 GOP Healthcare Bill Blocking Plans

2010-03-31T10:15:00.000-07:00

Well, their first plan was to embrace the wacky but somehow lovable Tea Party gang, and send them into Congressional town halls to scare the Democratic Congress. That didn't work, in fact the Tea Party is becoming a liability for the GOP. Smile for the cameras, Harry!

Next, they tried scare tactics with the media to try to sway the public. That did work, once again showing that "you'll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public". However, it didn't matter, the Obama factor overpowered the Congressional representatives through a variety of techniques, too numerous to mention here.

After the bill passed, the GOP threw down a couple emergency strategies to soften the blow of their incredible humiliating, depressing, embarrassing defeat at their self-created Waterloo. Republican governors and attorney generals have filed paperwork to claim that the federal government doesn't have jurisdiction over the states, and therefore the healthcare bill is unconstitutional. Since they're wrong, chances are this will fail as well.

So what's next?

Here are a couple of their future plans:

~~Release tension at lesbian bondage strip bar~~
Throw tantrum on kitchen floor
Let air out tires of Air Force One
Attack Fort Sumpter
Read even less, and yell even louder
Take ball and go home

Zeke Corp Earnings Statement

2010-03-30T10:29:00.000-07:00

March 30, 2010

In preparation for the release of ZEKE SAYS SO corporation's first-quarter earnings statement, president and CEO Zeke Reno made the following remarks at the Incline Village Whites Only Rotary club this morning:

"Thank you, ladies and gentlemen... well I guess I mean gentleman. Don't see any skirts in here, ha ha!

Tomorrow ZSS Corp will release its performance numbers for the first quarter of 2010. Don't tell anyone, but things are looking pretty good. Our stock price is trading at about what was prior to the recession, we will be posting a dividend in the second quarter and with a lower cost structure of employees and materials we anticipate getting very rich. I mean richer, ha ha!

I said "don't tell anyone", and I meant it. First of all, if the media figures out that the stock market and large corporations are doing well, it would be politically good for Obama. Furthermore, if they figure out that the bank bailout and a stimulus package not only worked, but worked better than even thought possible, I suspect the "garden variety Democrat" will look smart as well.

You and I, fellow billionaires and captains of industry, know we can't have THAT.

Part of the conservative Republicans reputation is that we are good at business. Of course, we found out last year that completely unregulated markets are not a good thing, but we can never admit that. After all, it's been our battle cry since Reagan. So let's all keep that secret, okay? It would be a shame to have to order a hit on one of you by Blackwater Executive Security, ha ha!

So in closing, keep pretending that things are bad. It'll only be a couple more months till the employees that we didn't lay off last year have fully adjusted to their increased workloads, so we don't have to hire anyone back. And keep remembering to talk about your company's "green initiatives" at every event. Studies have shown that tricks liberals into thinking you care about anything but profits. Gullible bastards, ha ha!

See you on the golf course! Zeke out."

National Smugness Alert Level Near All-Time High

2010-03-22T08:44:00.000-07:00

© FauxNews - March 22, 2010
Midland, Texas - Officials At the National Smugness Center reported this morning the highest recorded level of smugness by American citizens, and over a year. Director Bill Parsons said "the score is literally off the chart. We do need to recalibrate to see if that NSI (national smugness index) is higher than last January's election day. It's also crazy."

Parsons went on to explain that with the passing of the health care bill on March 21st, Democrats who had been reporting nearly 0% in Smugness, have risen nearly to 80%, while Republicans scores have dropped from 95% to 55%. Parsons explained "since there are statistically so few Republicans left in the United States, their drop of 40% and very little effect on the national average."

Reports have been coming in on both coasts that Smugness Sensors were so overloaded that they actually exploded, showering parts of the East Village in New York and Berkeley with burning debris. No reports of injuries to liberals have been reported so far.

Gibbons Accidentally Files To Run For Governor of Utah

2010-03-11T08:43:00.000-08:00

© FauxNews - March 11, 2010
St. George, Utah - Nevada Gov. Jim "Bad Idea" Gibbons accidentally filed to run for governor of Utah earlier this morning in Provo. Gibbon's had been on a "official fact-finding mission" to the Full Moon Swingers Retreat And Conference Center, and apparently confused Provo for Carson City. Having discovered the mistake, the governor immediately flew back to Reno to file for his reelection bid to governor of Nevada. He will appear on Utah's ballot as well, but will be listed as "Mr. Happy Snake", the name he apparently wrote on the filing documents.

The governor's office stated that he had traveled to the Swingers Club and Conference Center alone, and did not have anyone else's wife traveling with him. They also made available nearly 20 hours of videotape recorded by the governor at the swingers club, to "reassure the voters" that the governor was not using government-sponsored trips for personal pleasure. Gibbons allegedly said yesterday "I want to be clear. My time at the Full Moon Swingers Retreat was purely for official government business. Sure, everybody was naked and all we did was play volleyball and drink Appletini's, but I was there as an official representative from Nevada. Want to watch a tape? There was this one chick with huge... nevermind. End of news conference."

The governor's office failed to address rumors that CMT had signed Gibbons for a reality show to start next year when he is no longer governor, having come in fourth in a three-person race. The show called "Screw You, Nevada!" is reportedly in pre-production, and follows Gibbons and his staff as they all look for lobbyist jobs after being voted out of office in November. The PBZ blog reported yesterday that Gibbons trip to Utah was actually a video shoot to provide material for promos for the reality show. Especially hot naked chicks.

The CMT network failed to respond to our calls, most likely because we called them at 430 in the morning.

Freshly Risen Zombie GOP Is Dead. Again.

2010-02-16T10:26:00.000-08:00

It was a moonlit night. The Zombie Nevada GOP stumbled across the barren sagebrush strewn landscape of Nevada's Desert. The horrifying gurgling and slobbering of the freshly risen party were indistinguishable at first. But slowly recognizable words appears, "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEID! GEEEEEEEEEEEET REEEEEEEEEEEEID!"

The citizenry, having barricaded themselves into any available space, cowered in fear of the monster. No one knew how to stop it, and it seemed inevitable that the sheer will of the beast would be enough to destroy Nevada's political future. Forever.

All seemed lost. Humanity was doomed.

But then, the sound of footsteps echoed across the open desert.

A dark cloaked figure appeared. He was holding a shotgun. And moved straight for the shambling zombie.

The roar of the double barrel blast exploded across the playa. The zombie, too busy spewing its bile crusted murmurings never heard him coming.

The Nevada Tea Party had killed the Nevada GOP.

And the next day, as the sun rose, the still trembling citizens emerged from their bunkers to survey the landscape. It was going to be okay.

And somewhere in a smoke-filled back room in Washington DC, a mysterious man from Searchlight smiled.

Other Things Written on Palin's Hand

2010-02-11T14:50:00.000-08:00

Last week at the Tea Party Convention, news reports covered a story about how Sarah Palin had written notes on her hand.

Unbeknownst to the world, Palin had also written notes on her other hand.

Thanks to sophisticated graphic analysis the world can now know with those notes were:

"Remember to wink at camera every 30 seconds”
"Don't shoot at audience-they're paying me"
"Remember to pick up Moose milk on the way home"
"Africa is not a country-Africa is not a country"
"Don't chew tobacco on stage"
"Remember to tug on your earlobe - hi kids!"
"Truth is irrelevant-you work for Fox"

The Tragedy of the Tea Party

2010-02-09T10:09:00.000-08:00

It's kind of sad.

Populist movements have made a major positive influence on the history of our country. The Antitrust movement of the 1890s the Huey Long in the 30s when the civil rights movement in the 60s have been a remarkable effective way to change the status quo of our governance.

However, as great as fiscal responsibility is as a movement concept, The Tea Party is going off the tracks.

At the recent convention in Nashville, speakers on the podium and attendees in the crowd spoke endlessly about things that had nothing to do with fiscal responsibility. Racism, xenophobia and suspicion of science were unfortunately the things that got the biggest crowd roars from the main stage.

This blog has been making fun of The Tea Party from the earliest days, but honestly what American can argue with the idea that the funds we collect should equal the funds we spend (except in some special circumstances like war or recession)?

However, since the wingnuts on the stage have more agendas than just spending control, The Maddening Crowd is going along with them. It's kind of scary. The opening speech at the Tea Party Convention looked a lot more like a Ku Klux Klan rally, an American speaking about fiscal responsibility.

The worst part, is that our fabulous media and even the fake media like Fox news, are failing to pick up on this dark and evil turn. Yes I said evil. These media companies and their pundits are avoiding to point out the absolute hypocrisy and selfishness of the allegedly "populist" tea party leadership, as they distort the message to the lowest common denominator.

Not good. Not good ago.

If I was Anne Frank, I start looking for an attic to hide. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Jon Stewart: Obama Q & A with the GOP Caucus

2010-02-03T14:42:00.000-08:00

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

Screaming Points Memo: What To Yell at Obama Tonight

2010-01-27T10:58:00.000-08:00

So are you a frustrated tea party type conservative congressman, but lack any creative abilities? And tonight is the big night! With Pres. Obama addressing the nation, in a joint session of Congress it is your big chance to jump up onto the national stage and possibly garnish of future vice presidential bid.

But what to yell?

Here's some ideas for you:

"You lie some more!"
"Encore! I mean, you suck!"
"Attica!"
"Tea, anyone?"
"Don't taze me, Brobama!"
"Wildcats are number one! Oh yeah, and Obama sucks!"
"Soylent Green is made of petrochemicals! And Obama sucks!"
"You lie like a Kenyan rug!"
"I lie! Whoops, I mean you lie!"
"If the good gentleman from Chicago might grant me time, I would submit that his entire presentation is hearsay and unambiguous illusion. In my consideration into this important matter that affects all of the great citizens of these United States, I submit that Pres. Barack Hussein Obama from the great state of Illinois is suggesting a misleading discourse." (Senate only)
"You're ugly and your mama dresses you funny." (African-Americans from the 70's only)
"I'm secretly gay! I mean Obama sucks!" (Leslie Graham only)
"I eat paste! And Obama sucks!" (Dean Heller only)
"Obama is giraffe daffodil pineapple!" (Existentialists only)
"Whoop der it is!" (Florida representatives only)
"Zeke Says So!"

Potential Prison Nicknames for John Ensign

2010-01-22T11:00:00.000-08:00

With the FBI currently interviewing associates of Sen. John "plead the fifth" Ensign, some speculation has been made as far as what cool prison nickname he might have when you get sent upstate for his alleged crimes.

Here are some thoughts:

Johnny "Two-Timer" Ensign
John "The Bull(shitter)" Ensign
John "Nevada Gigolo" Ensign
John "The Checkbook Don" Ensign

John "Sings Like a Bird" Ensign
Johnny "Vegas Jesus" Ensign
J. "The Comb" Ensign
John "Prisoner #26378594" Ensign

Cut Reid Bait

2010-01-20T11:52:00.000-08:00

Look I know it's not his fault. Harry Reid is neither responsible for, nor should feel guilty about the ridiculous upset yesterday in America's worst state, Massachusetts. The results which featured the crime of a right wing unqualified wingnut, winning Ted Kennedy's former seat, are neither a referendum on Barack Obama or healthcare reform.

And you know it.

But so what?

Like every crime, somebody needs to pay. But who? The Democrats can't blame Coakley. She was just a piece of the puzzle in the race. No it needs to be somebody else. Somebody big.

Obama? Oh, let's not get carried away.

How about we blame somebody who's probably to going to lose anyway, and sacrificing them now which may help wash the stink off the hands of the Democrats after this election?

How about Harry Reid?

And look, I live in Nevada and damn well understood that having the Majority Leader from my state is very very good for us. I know that if he is replaced by a Republican, that guy's ranking as a rookie minority party senator, will be damn close to 100. But so what?

Reid is gonna lose, and you know it.

I say we cut bait now, remove him from Majority Leader position in the Senate, and blame the whole damn Massachusetts disaster on him.

You have my permission, Democratic Senators. GET BUSY!

A Few More Reasons Why Massachusetts Sucks

2010-01-18T17:11:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, the good people of Massachusetts will vote for their new US Senator. And the bad ones too.

I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that this is going to turn out badly for Democrats. Unfortunately, fivethirtyeight.com also feels this way, explaining that there is better than a 70% chance that the Republican Scott "I hate health care” Brown will beat Democrat Martha "dropping the ball" Coakley.

The good news (Ha!) Is that this will be good for Nevada. Why, you ask?

Because anything bad that happens in another state, makes Nevada look less crappy.

Here are couple of Other things Massachusetts has done over the years that sucked.

Gov. Mitt Romney
Barbara Walters
Puritan work ethic and moral code.
Salem Witch Trials
The Cars
Boston Red Sox (and the Yankees suck too)
Boston Baked Beans (worst candy ever)
Leonard Nimoy
The political term "Tea Party"
Doug Flutie
"The Beer Summit"

See what I mean? Screw Texas; if they actually vote Republican tomorrow I say we throw Massachusetts out of the United States!

Who's with me?

Lowden and Character

2010-01-17T11:21:00.000-08:00

The Las Vegas Review Journal article published today, it is revealed that candidate for Senate Sue Lowden is afraid to fly on airplanes.

First of all, what?

This is some kind of joke, right? Are you seriously telling me that an adult, one that wants to be in the upper chamber of the Senate of the most powerful country in the world, is afraid to get on a commercial airliner?

Over the years I've made fun of various news organizations and politicians, who tried to further their agendas by inducing fear into the population of our country.

It looks like it worked.

And worst of all, it worked on one of the most important Republicans in the state. Sue Lowden is probably the most qualified and least crazy Republican(which ain't saying much) running against current House Majority Leader Sen. Harry Reid.

Can you imagine the potential legislation and voting record of a US Senator who describes herself as a person who "looks over her shoulder" when on a plane, if she gets on one in the first place? can you imagine what the Patriot Act Part Two might look like with a coward like Lowden being involved?

Worst of all, is this: Fear is a good thing. It keeps us from doing bad stuff, and often saves us from dangerous situations.

But when a leader allows fear to unduly influence their behavior, they should not be a leader. Period.

We need leaders who are BRAVE. Our current Senator, Harry Reid went after the mob in Las Vegas when he was a prosecutor, and actually had his family station wagon wired with a bomb to explode. He did not stop prosecuting anybody. He did not back down. He did not hide under his bed in fear. He is brave.

If you ask me, Sue Lowden doesn't deserve to even be considered to be one of our leaders. The USA has acted irresponsibly in fear far too often over the past 10 years. We deserve better.

Gibbons Hates Sparks as Well as Reno

2010-01-15T16:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I've said it many many times before; Gov. Jim "Mormon Recluse" Gibbons hates Reno. He never comes here. He never has Townhall meetings here. He doesn't attend parades or fundraisers, and he didn't even show up at my birthday party last year. Jackass.

But now, he's gone even further. Apparently Jim Gibbons hates Sparks Nevada as well.

In one of the biggest fundraisers of the year, one that every single sitting governor for the past 45 years has been involved, Gibbons decided to sit out. The "Sheep Dip" at The Nugget in Sparks, has been a nonpartisan staple of the cities social scene for nearly half a century.

And Gibbons, who freaking lives in Sparks, is too busy to attend this outstanding and important fundraiser. he couldn't even be bothered to send in a short video. Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

Okay all of you Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Greens and American Independent party voters let's all get together and hold hands and say together "Gov. Jim Gibbons, you are a dick".

A Fake Letter from Danny Tarkanian to Sen. Reid

2010-01-14T11:38:00.000-08:00

Not Danny Tarkanian

January 13th, 2010

The Honorable Harry Reid
U.S. Senator
522 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510

Fax: 202-224-7327
775-883-1980
702-388-5030
775-686-5757

Dear Senator Reid,

As you are undoubtedly aware, the American people are clamoring for negotiations on health care reform to be fully open and transparent. By having these hearings in closed back rooms full of reefer smoke, you're screwing up the Republican Party's plan to stop them. And it makes me really mad. Do you know how tough it is to create an Evil Plan of obstruction, but only to be outsmarted by you? I hate you! Hate you hate you hate you hate you!

And even though the Senate has been working on the bill in public for nearly a year, our plan of pretending that it was being orchestrated in back rooms the entire time had been working pretty well.(on the Fox news crowd anyway) I mean, you must know how dumb the Republican base is, to forget that even they attended the public Townhall meetings all last summer, and taken up the battle cry that the healthcare debate has been anything less than transparent.

At this point in any letter, most peoples have stopped reading so I thought I'd throw this in; you know I'm not really a very good politician. My website sucks. Most of my donors are douche bags and have already been giving me a lists of things they want me to do when I'm in office. And the people I have to run against, Sue Lowden and Sharron Angle are mean and awful. I think Angle might actually clinically insane. Did you see what she did to the school kids up in Reno? Unbelievable. I know I don't belong in politics; I'm basically a sports star with name recognition. I'm not sure why I'm even running, and if a real candidate shows up I'll quit the race and be on the golf course before you can say Armenian-American three times.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. Back to the bullshit.

Sen. Reid, in November, you said transparency would be "one of the guiding principles of health care reform." And although the other conservatives will pretend that allowing C-SPAN to broadcast the negotiations would be helpful in stimulating the debate, we really just need that footage for Glenn Beck to be able to spin his conspiracy theories over.

So even though I'm your campaign opponent and would be happy to kick you in the nuts if given the chance, I call upon you to open the committee hearings. Do it for Glenn. When I'm in office, I promise I will do everything that an inexperienced senatorial candidate running against me, asks me to do.

Sincerely,

Not Danny Tarkanian
Not Danny Tarkanian
Tarkanian for U.S. Senate

165 Hypocrite Avenue
Las Vegas, NV 89123

Colbert: Harry Reid's Racist Comment

2010-01-12T16:47:00.000-08:00

Harry Reid's Racist Comment

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Economy

Poems of Merit: Defining Dumb

2010-01-11T07:46:00.000-08:00

In the year 2010,

Nevada's got the chance once again,

to exchange their Senator Reid for a Con.

But with Tarkanian and Lowden the choice,

many Republicans raised their voice,

and screamed out "better first then the bottom".

As the November election neared,

educated people statewide feared,

is it possible that Nevadan will get bombed?

Not by Al Qaeda or others,

but by non-partisans and their brothers,

who will relegate our state to the doldrums?

-Zeke Reno

John Ensign Has Found Reno. #fail

2010-01-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

With our internationally infamous Sen. John Ensign making an appearance this week at UNR's Jot Travis Student Union, he is doing something that no other prominent Republican has managed to do in Nevada since the creation of this blog nearly 2 years ago.

Hold a town hall meeting in Reno Nevada.

I know what you're saying, certainly Gov. Jim Gibbons, Lieut. Gov. Brian Krolicki or Congressman Dean Heller must've certainly held some kind of town hall meeting open to the public in the last two years, in Nevada's fourth-largest city and capital of northern Nevada?

But no. They haven't.

Even after I have taunted them to do.

And although God Hates Reno, I would expect our elected Republicans to show up here once in a while and face the music.

Unfortunately for Ensign, I fear his music is gonna sound like a circus carousel on crack.

Wait I can do better than that.

Unfortunately for Ensign, I fear his music is gonna sound like a garbage truck being dropped off the Empire State building.

Okay give me one more shot.

Unfortunately for Ensign, I fear his music is gonna sound like a Wagner-esque funeral dirge interspersed with the death wails of rabid coyotes on acid, and sung by a very drunk Tom Waits.

In other words, scary and bad.(or good if you like that kind of thing)

Politicizing Sports

2010-01-05T07:57:00.000-08:00

While we're dividing up the country into red and blue everything, I thought it might be appropriate to classify our beloved spectator sports. Feel free to let me know if you think I forgot any. And no, drinking is not a sport.

Blue Sports (Democrat)

Baseball

Heavy Latino presence
Nonviolent
More Democratic (meeting on the mound)
Manager wears a uniform like the players
Balls are handed out to the crowd regularly

Basketball

85% African-American participants
Extremely lenient drug policies
Pro Players make their own decisions (bottom-up leadership)

Snowboarding

Creativity is tantamount to success
Drug testing nonexistent
World's best come exclusively from California
Invented in Vermont. 'Nuff said

Bicycle Racing

Success of team critical
Non-fossil fuel wheeled sport
Large French influence
Sponsors include US Postal Service (socialized athletics!)

Soccer

Large Latino participants/fan base
100% team oriented
Cheaters are not tolerated and thrown out(Unlike Ensign, Vitter, Sanders etc)
Drug testing nearly nonexistent

Red Sports (Republican)

Football

Although 70% African-American, you can't tell with the helmets
Extremely violent
Fascist in nature (one person makes all decisions)
Nets are installed to prevent fans from getting the ball

Hockey

Sarah Palin successfully stole the sport from the Democrats by claiming to be a hockey mom
Uber-violent
Glass barriers installed to prevent fans from getting pucks
Close to zero minorities playing at pro level
Only sport which employs a siren

UFC Fighting

Very bootstrapy. Completely individualistic.
Most violent sport
Most deregulated sport
Most expensive sport to watch (Elitist)

NASCAR/Motorsports

Cheating is encouraged (weight reduction strategies)
Wastes massive amounts of fossil fuels
Extremely individualistic (Team victories unimportant)
No foreigners (cars) allowed
Nearly 100% Caucasian/Southern/unintelligible participant pool

Poker Playing

Lying is fundamental to success
Existence is defined by money collected from other people
Least physically active sport (If Rush Limbaugh could play it...)

Pro Bowling

Utterly boring
Completely individualistic
100% Caucasian participation
Dying out, just like the GOP

Reno Airport Completely Safe Says Psychic Governor

2009-12-31T08:22:00.000-08:00

© FauxNews December 31st, 2009
Reno, Nevada - In an amazing exhibition of psychic powers, Nevada Gov. Jim Gibbons astounded law enforcement and media yesterday by declaring "This airport is cleeeeeeean".

The Governor had taken an extensive nearly 20 minute tour of the baggage claim area of the recently remodeled Reno-Tahoe International Airport Wednesday before making the amazing statement. Sources close to the governor's office report "Psychic Jim" is amazing at finding lost keys, and picking California lottery numbers. "He truly has the Shining." said one office staffer.

The Amazing Gibbons then went on to explain through his use of a crystal ball, that both Barack Obama and Atty. Gen. Janet Napolitano were, in fact, responsible for the recent attack on a Northwest jet flying into Detroit. There were audible gasps from the assembled crowd upon Swami Gibbons pronouncement, considering he had no access to any intelligence beyond the Reno Gazette Journal. Which ain't saying much.

A wire service reporter with a stunned look on his face muttered "How can he be so wise? He sees everything. It makes perfect sense now. Of course it's the President and Attorney General's fault; how could they not know that the airport screeners in a Nigeria Airport would let this guy on the plane that eventually would wind up in the US?"

The Amazing Jim has opened up a palm reading side business in Carson City, where for a fee, he will also psychically predict what Democrats were responsible for past Bad Things. Cash and gold only.

Renaming ObamaCare

2009-12-30T14:33:00.000-08:00

Obviously the GOP scarefloor technicians are going to need to do something about the term they created last summer; "Obamacare".

See, the term was created so that if/when it failed to get through Congress the GOP pundits could blame the failure on the President. Kind of like they did with "Hillarycare". Remember how they were calling the health care bill Obama's "Waterloo"?

Well, it looks like the bill is actually going to pass. Whoops.

In next year's elections, the GOP and Democratic stronghold districts are not going to change. It's the swing districts, that are where the action will be. Within those swing districts, the liberal and conservative voters will pick their candidates, regardless of what happens between now and then. It's the moderates that will decide who gets to be in Congress on election day.

And since most moderate voters in this country still identify with Obama, it would be a bad idea to use a term that included his name, and something that succeeded.

So I predict that in the next couple weeks, Beck, Hannity and O'Reilly will start using a new term to describe the newly signed healthcare bill (and it won't be anything related to Obama).

Here are some possibilities:

Deathcare (already being used)
Harrycare (I kind of like this one. In fact Harrycare™. I own it now, suckers.)
Aliencare (Bad idea for southwestern candidates)
Pelosicare (too obvious)
Democratcare / Demcare
Abortioncare (I saw a sign on one of the shows that said this. Yes really)
Liberalcare ( The GOP has spent so much energy demonizing "liberal" seems like a no-brainer)

And of course, the GOP pundits will need to come up with another "Waterloo" for Obama to fail at so that they label his entire Presidency a failure.

The funniest part about all of this is that I doubt even 5% of Americans know what "Waterloo" refers to. Maybe Obama should do something about our crappy education system next. God knows I could use it.

Wild Horses as a Metaphor For Freedom?

2009-12-26T17:25:00.000-08:00

I've had the displeasure of meeting a whole bunch of "wild horse advocates" lately, and I'm still scratching my head over what trauma they suffered in their life, to care so much about these animals.

First, I thought it might just be that girl/pony routine we all know and love. But that type of relationship doesn't explain the paranoia and hostility so often expressed by wild horse advocates.

In fact, it's more reminiscent of one of last summer's healthcare tea parties.

I understand advocacy. I think it's a great American tradition. And usually it's a great thing.

But over wild horses?

They're not even really wild. These creatures shouldn't be here: native North American horse type animals went extinct thousands of years ago. These "wild" animals, are basically the glorified lost pets of ranchers and miners.

The Bureau of Land Management is faced with the double pronged mission of protecting the land while maintaining costs. The "wild" horses are destroying the natural desert because a lack of predation guarantees overpopulation. The BLM is literally feeding these animals, at great taxpayer expense, to keep them alive so that they can continue to destroy the fragile desert ecosystem.

Why, do you ask?

Because every time they try to round up these animals, wild horse advocates start ranting and raving about how the Evil Government is out to get them. Well, technically the BLM is supposed to be doing that. As pretty as the horses are, they have no business being in the Northern Nevada desert. (Neither do cattle, but that's another story for another day)

I am starting to think that the irrational and emotional overreaction of the wild horse advocates, is really a parallel between the Tea Parties from last summer. The Tea Party Activists, who are really just loyal Republicans, acted very irrationally and overly emotionally not because of facts, but because they felt powerless against the Democrats. They used lots of catch phrases and talking points, but had a very difficult time explaining their position with facts figures in the meetings, preferring to yell and scream.

Being an adult often means accepting the fact that sometime you are not going to get your way, and that sometimes certain problems have no "good" solution, only a "less worse" one. The real question is, will wild horse advocates prefer to have these animals starve to death in remote mountain canyons, or die from disease from malnutrition this winter or next summer when the advocates are wake boarding up at Tahoe? I seriously wonder who has the horses best interest in mind.

And for the record, I do think ponies are cute, too.

"CSI Reno" to Premiere Tonight on CBS

2009-12-15T12:53:00.000-08:00

I couldn't believe it either.

Why would a state need to have two CSI shows in it?

Well, first of all, Nevada is a very violent state. Oh sure, we have your basic garden-variety gang and drug related murders, but we also have some fantastic high-profile murders and also certainly lead the nation in serial killer captures.

I also heard once that Silver Springs (or maybe it was Sun Valley) leads the USA in the felons per capita. Considering how few Republican elected officials lived in those places, that's really impressive.

Oh yeah, and make sure you consider the fact that both the state government and local media try their best to minimize the reporting on violent crime in Nevada (lest we scare away all the tourists.)

I heard that the advertising consultant who jokingly suggested to the RSCVA that Reno cshould hange it's slogan to "America's Most Dangerous City", accidentally fell down a 300' mineshaft the following week.
Accidentally.

So having CSI:Reno seems logical. Instead of sexy beautiful people doing each other in, imaginative and sexy ways(like in CSI: Las Vegas), CSI:Reno can focus on good old-fashioned murder: people beating each other to death with baseball bats, or shooting their divorce court judge.

You know, Red State style murder.

I can't wait for next years CSI:Elko. Get your sheep jokes ready.

Three Stooges. And Moe is Ours. Great.

2009-12-13T16:41:00.000-08:00

Krolicki Sure Looked Relieved

2009-12-11T22:00:00.000-08:00

Ever hang out with a criminal? Of course you have.
We all have. Especially if you hang out with me.

But I digress.

The other night Lieut. Gov. Brian "~~Dead Man Walking~~" Krolicki made a statement in front of a courthouse in Vegas, after some goofy judge dismissed felony charges against him for acting like a Wall Street banker with Nevada's Millennium Scholarship Program funds.

He didn't really look like a man who felt he had been unfairly indicted. He looked very sweaty. His body language was all wrong for an innocent man.

In fact, he looked more like an embezzler who got fired from his cushy job, but was not sent upstate for a 3 to 5 stretch at the Nevada men's Penitentiary and DaySpa.

So even if you think the whole prosecution was a political stunt to discredit the Lieutenant Governor in advance of the 2010 reelection bid, just take a good look at that video of him stammering about "how relieved he and his family are" about the charges being dropped.

If I was a cop, I probably just rearrested on general principles. Probable cause. Looking suspicious.

That's what I always get picked up for, you know.

Vietnam-astan

2009-12-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

Holy crap!

There was a huge fight last night down at the Dive Bar. It was about The War.

It seems that Barack "Peace Prize" Obama has decided to attack this little country called Afghanistan. And nearly everyone in the joint was pissed off.

The peacenik liberals were mad that we didn't flat out withdrawal completely the day after inauguration.
And bloodthirsty conservatives were mad. For some reason. Not sure why. I guess they hate Obama whatever he does.

There was one poor bastard who stuck up for the President's new plan; and I think he was only holding out because he had a freaking Obama tattoo on his arm from last summer. And since he was out of work, it might be tough to pay to have it removed. Good Times.

I kept my mouth shut during the fight. I have an opinion, but I also just smart enough to know that I know nothing about foreign policy. Trying to second-guess the guy who knows more about the situation than anybody else would be kind of silly.

However, if this "Afghans surge" is being done simply to gather "security minded" conservatives votes in 2012, I am going to be pissed.

And I swear to God I will vote for Palin. I mean it.

10 Worst States in the USA

2009-11-22T08:37:00.000-08:00

©FauxNews November 22nd, 2009
Homewood, New Jersey - With a sigh of relief, Nevada Tourism Officials announced that Nevada was somehow not listed on the Annual 10 Worst States in the USA.

"Apparently going Blue saved us from the shame of The List this year" said Jeremy Homenger from the NV Tourism Council and Day Spa. "I hope we can do something equally as impressive this year to keep us off. Maybe Tar and Feather Palin next week in Reno" he added.

Time will tell.

The 10 Worst States in the USA 2009

10. New Jersey GOP Governor. Sopranos ended.
9. Oklahoma Too many tornadoes. Not Enough ZEKE SAYS SO readers
8. Nebraska Even Springsteen hates this Red state now
7. Maine Banned Gay Marriage but still sell the "Secret Gay Uniform": LL Bean stuff.
6. Pennsylvania Chris Matthews is from here, and they like him, too. Nuff said,
5. South Carolina Every elected official from here is absolutely nuts.
4. Mississippi Most racist State in the USA.
3. West Virgina Racist and most dumbest state.
2. Florida Most crazy people per square mile. And Armed to the teeth.
1. Michigan State motto: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

After topping the list for the 4th year in a row, Michigan officials disputed the list saying "Just become some dipshit in Reno puts us at the top of his made-up list, doesn't make it true".

Well, Michigan, once again you are horribly wrong.

20% of 20%

2009-11-20T08:21:00.000-08:00

Yeah, she's everywhere. Soon even in Reno again.

Palin.

And although she has recently topped many lists as the 2012 GOP front runner, all I can say is: Who cares?

If you can remember the news from 2 weeks ago, ABC/Gallop reported that only 20% of Americans are reporting themselves to be Republicans. And of them, 20% report they think she is qualified to be President.

So the math of that mean Sarah Palin's "Base is 20% of 20% of the population. 4%.

From watching our wonderful "news" media coverage this week you'd think she had momentum. Or supporters. Or Something.

But like usual, they're wrong. Palin ain't nothing but a 4%er with a book deal.

Colbert: Grand Old Pity Party

2009-11-19T10:52:00.000-08:00

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

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Possible New Jobs for Lou Dobbs

2009-11-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

With Lou "Ser" Dobbs "leaving" CNN this week, there is much speculation where the cranky old bastard may do next. Here are some ideas.

Border Patrol Agent
This is the obvious choice, based on the Dobbs 4 year long anti-immigration tirade.
Greeter at Bizarro World Walmart
He's actually mean. Get it?
Dick Cheney's Shoeshine Boy
Ever since Cheney's old boy "disappeared" last year after mentioning that "he might vote for Obama", there has been an opening
Nevada Governor
Seriously ANYBODY is better than Jim "Shoebox with a Phonebook" Gibbons. Seriously, ANYBODY.

Oh who are we kidding? He'll have a show on Fox News before O'Reilly before Xmas.

Purple Heller Haze

2009-11-12T10:58:00.000-08:00

Sung to the Tune of "Hey Joe" by Jimi Hendrix

"Hey Dean, where you goin' with that pen in your hand
Hey Dean, I said where you goin' with that pen in your hand

I'm going down to kill your healthcare bill
You know, I've caught it messin' around with that Obama man
I'm going down to kill your healthcare bill
You know, I've caught it messin' around with that Obama man
And that ain't too cool

Hey Dean, I've heard you voted my health care down,
shot it down, now
I said I've heard you voted our health care down,
You voted it down to the ground

Yes I did, I voted no
You know, I caught it messin' round, messin' round town
Yes I did, I voted no
You know, I caught my old policy messin' around town
And I gave her the pen
I VOTED NAY!

Hey Dean, alright
Vote no one more time, baby

Hey Dean, said now
Where you gonna run to now?
Where you gonna run to?
Hey Dean Heller, I said where you gonna run to now?
Where you, where you gonna go?
Well, dig it

I'm goin' way down south,
Way down to Mexico way
Alright!
I'm goin' way down south,
Way down where I can be free
Ain't no one gonna find me

Ain't no voter gonna,
They ain't gonna un-elect me
You better believe it right now
I gotta go now
Hey Dean, you better run on down
Good by everybody
Hey Dean, uhh
Run on down

Ensign Soon to be Filly Busted

2009-11-10T18:10:00.000-08:00

Xmas Gift Ideas For Tea Party Activists

2009-11-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

It is coming up soon! That All American consumer holiday; Xmas!

And since you probably have at least one Wing Nut Tea Party type in your Gifting Circle; here are some ideas for the discerning Late Aughts Populist American Wack Job:

Match-Box™ Tea Party Freedom Bus
What 5 year old doesn't enjoy playing cars! And this bus will remind them of the great summer they had by riding all over Red America with other crazy, angry, old, white Wingnuts!
Tea Party Pocket Calculator
This handy device will allow them to come up with those amazing Tea Party crowd size estimates Fox News reports. Enter 1500 and it magically turnings into 125,000! Yay! We're SO popular!
Ayn Rand Sacred Altar of Blessings
A must have for every member of the Trickle Down Conservative Sect of America
Kirkland "Jumbo Box o' Hate" Sign Painting Kit
Comes complete with red, white and blue paint, swastikas and Obama Joker stencils. (Not available in Germany)
One Way Plane Ticket to Myanmar
The gift that keeps on giving(to the rest of us). Let them see what a REAL Fascist state looks like.

The New GOP Big Circus Tent

2009-11-02T08:54:00.000-08:00

STEP RIGHT UP!

Some in the Republican Party are saying the GOP is taking a "Big Tent" approach with the voters, in an attempt to win back the millions of people who walked away last year to sit at the Blue lunch table.

But when YOU, the Independent Voter, go back into that Big Circus Tent, here are some of the things you will find besides promises that they've changed their ways:

Larry Craig's copy of "Being Secretly Gay For Dumb Hypocrites"
Jim Gibbon's Education Slashing Switchblade
Tea Party Attendee's Nazi sign and 9mm Glock
Rush Limbaugh's "Magic Negro" CD
Sarah Palin's Invisible Newspaper Collection
Sue Lowden's copy of the Nevada GOP Death Certificate
John Ensign's Parents checkbook
Glenn Beck's bottle of Acme Stage Tears For Actors™
Dick Cheney's Waterboard

So STEP RIGHT UP!

Get yer tickets now for show of a lifetime! Brought to you by the Party that deregulated everything, politicized everything and created the biggest foreign policy blunder in US history.

Oh yeah, they also hate every minority and non Christian religion and believe that Real America is somewhere in Nebraska.

Halloween at the Palin House

2009-11-01T14:22:00.000-08:00

Halloween at the Ensign House

2009-11-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

Halloween at the Krolicki House

2009-11-01T11:17:00.000-08:00

Liberal Haunted House Opens in Carson City Today

2009-10-29T10:47:00.000-07:00

© FauxNews October 30th, 2009
Gold Hill, Nevada - In an attempt to cash in on the massive Fox "News" create FEAR campaign, some out-of-work conservative Carson City spin doctors have created the first Nevada "Haunted House" aimed purely at one demographic group; the Wing Nut Anti-Civilization Tea Bagger Crowd.

The "BLEED US DRY - A Progressive House of Horrors" will be open today through midnight on Halloween and is free for all registered Republicans; Democrats $175 and Non-Partisans will actually be paid $10 to enter.

Some of the exhibits will include:

ZOMBIEOBAMALAND-"Healthy, Educated non-white people in positions of power wave at customers"
2011-WHAT IF? "a nightmarish scenario where Democrats retain both houses of Congress against Newt Gingrich's predictions"
NEVADA INCOME TAX-THE ATTACK OF THE CASINOS! In this terrifying section, (rumored to have been designed by Horrormeister Chuck Muth, the Nevada Gambling Industry installs enough Democratic elected officials in Nevada to overturn the State Constitution and allow the creation of a State Income Tax. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

To find the attraction, simply follow the "Skull-Donkey" spotlight, or text FEAR to NVGOP(68467) for directions.

Poem of Merit: Shaving Hairy Reid

2009-10-26T14:04:00.000-07:00

It appears that our Dem Senator is a Beast,
who's advisers are all living back East,
but Harry will soon learn,
Trust is something you earn,
With "No Option" the Dem's ain't happy at him in the least.

-Zeke Reno

Be My Friend <3. LOL

2009-10-23T11:58:00.000-07:00

Although Zeke Says So blog already has the biggest Social Media presence of any Blog in Nevada, we thought you may want to know about other places to get yer Zeke fix. So....

Find Zeke on:

FACEBOOK PAGE

FACEBOOK PROFILE

TWITTER

PICASA

FLICKR

And have a GREAT WEEKEND! TTFN!

Punks.

Nevada Bashing D'Jour

2009-10-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

Hey! What's with the continuing beatdown of Nevada?

We're getting it from all sides, and what did we do to deserve this? I know we have a goofy Governor and GOP Senator, but hey, what State doesn't these days?

Let me know if I'm forgeting anyone, but here are "Foreign Interlopers" who are conspiring to pick on the people/industry of Nevada:

Barack Obama - Banned all Fed Government convention in the State.(Apparently NV is too much fun for Civil Servants)
State of California - Claiming that NV is "Stealing" business from them. (Yeah, we're the cause of your economic woes. Dicks)
NYC Mayor Bloomberg - Sent NYC cops to Gun Show sting in Reno. (Maybe the Reno Mayor should do a sting on NYC's Financial Industry that almost destroyed the USA last year)
Daily Show - Sent correspondent to ridicule NV voters last fall. (Thanks for going out of your way to find the dumbest people possible to interview)
Right Wing Media (Talk Radio/Fox) - Continuous "out of state" led Reid bashing. (They blamed "Balloon Boy" on Reid yesterday. Yes really)
Left Wing Media (MSnbc/HuffPost) - Continuous "out of State" Ensign and Reid bashing. (Oh the crappy heathcare "sales" problem couldn't possibly be the White House's fault. Oh no! Blame Reid!)
Reno 911 - 1/2 hour of total Reno bashing (at least it was funny)
Pro Health Care Non Profits - Wall to Wall anti Reid ads, spamming and phone calls from out of state. (What's next after unelecting our only Democratic Senator? Outlawing gambling?)
Anti Government Californians - Monthly Anti Reid protests in Reno, Vegas and Carson City.
CSI - The show portrays Vegas as having 3-5 murders/day. Riiiiiiight.
Zeke Says So blog - Continuously refers to Nevadans as uneducated pawns of the Media. Oh wait, That's me.

Look. I'm sure our local TV stations are enjoying the ad revenue, but I think I can speak for ALL of Nevada when I say to the OTHER 49 states: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, PUNKS!

We Nevadans don't want your political/social advice, we just want your gambling revenue.

So go pick on Texas like you used to. Or Florida. They deserve it.

BREAKING NEWS: Ensign's Affair Was Just Publicity Stunt

2009-10-19T08:34:00.000-07:00

©FauxNews October 19th, 2009
Henderson, Nevada - Las Vegas Sheriff Spokeman Paul "Two Times" Granger announced today that the recent scandal involving Senator John Ensign and a female Staffer was apparently just a hoax. Ensign and several other GOP Senators have been pitching a show to the MTV Network called "Real America Congressmen" and the entire affair and reported payoffs were a complete fabrication to give Ensign and other potential cast members "national face recognition".

Micheal Steele, Chair of the RNC said "This is an outrage and completely inappropriate behavior, even for a resident of a goofy State like Nevada. I will personally be investigating this situation and apply an appropriate punishment, unless, of course, I can get a cameo on the pilot. "

Las Vegas County District Attorney Miles "Big Daddy" Kinkowski said "Unfortuately we will not be able to charge Senator Ensign with anything as the Nevada State Constitution allows "...Citizens can do any dumb-ass thing they want, as long as it don't hurt nobody else...". It's in there right after the part banning Gay Marriage or having a state income tax."

Ensign Passes Krolicki

2009-10-14T11:53:00.000-07:00

© FauxNews October 14, 2009
Ely, Nevada - In a recent DB Poll, embattled US Senator John Ensign has passed embattled Lt Governor Brian Krolicki as "Most Likely Nevada Polition to be Convicted of a Felony". In the poll, of 27 people who "think they can legally vote", over 53% now report that "Ensign Should be Locked Up", passing both embattled Governor Jim Gibbons 16% and Krolicki 31%.

Krolicki's office allegedly released a statement on the news saying, "Although we believe the charges against the Lt Governor are purely political theater, it's great to know that some other poor bastard gets to have the lead role now". Krolicki is still planning on a re-election bid in 2010, in spite of indictments against him for felony misappropriation of funds while Nevada Treasurer.

Governor Jim Gibbons office could not be reached for comment because it was 2-for-1 day at Carson City Mini Golf.

Zeke's Interview with Sue Lowden

2009-10-13T08:44:00.000-07:00

Republican Candidate for US Senate Sue Lowden sat down with ZSS Editor Zeke Reno in her Las Vegas campaign office last week for this faux interview.

ZSS: Thanks for meeting with us today Ms Lowden. We appreciate taking time out of your busy schedule.

SL: No problem, Jon. I always have time for the Ralston Flash!

ZSS: Uhhh. Well ok then. Actually I'm with...uhhh. Never mind.

SL: Would you like some milk and cookies? We always have some right before Glenn Beck comes on the TV. It makes us feel so much better, considering we have an Evil Black man in the White House.

ZSS: No thanks. Actually Ms Lowden I was wondering if you could share with us what you might bring to the US Senate, other than just NOT being Harry Reid?

SL: Oh please don't call me "Ms", dear. I'm not one of those bra burning, baby killing fem-nazis! You can just call me Sue.

ZSS: Ok, Sue. Would you like me to repeat the question?

SL: ...Or Mrs Lowden. Although that sounds like I'm old.

ZSS: I'll stick with Sue.

SL: Do I look old?

ZSS: What? Um...ahhh...

SL: I really try to look my best, you know. It's hard to do in this damn desert climate...

ZSS: Mrs Lowden, about your campaign...

SL: Oh shucks can you take the "D word" out of that last quote? Senator Ensign told me if I curse I will go to the H-E-double hockey sticks...

ZSS: Sure. Now about...

SL: ...I used to use Avon's Pretty Face Cream™ but I heard they grind up babies to make that stuff, and I am TOTALLY against killing babies! Please write that down, Jon.

ZSS: (yelling) I am not Jon! I am Zeke! From Zeke Says So blog! From Reno!

SL: (silence)

ZSS: Sue?

SL: Get the fuck out. Now.

ZSS: It was nice talking to you today Sue.

SL: That's Ms Lowden to you, commie.

Emails To Zeke Part 9

2009-10-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, so here's some of the better emails:

Q: "We are all sick of your liberal commie crap! Why don't you let SOMEONE ELSE say something for a while?"
-Barkeep Karl
Dive Bar Owner
Reno, NV

ZSS: Karl, you knucklehead! I sit in your depressing bar for 6 hours a day. Why didn't you say something before now? Give me whatever you want and I will post it this week.

Q: "Why don't you make fun of George W Bush or John McCain anymore? That shit was hysterical!"
RM
Boulder City, NV

ZSS: Yeah, tell me about it. Thank God for Ensign and Glenn Beck. I am also expecting some great things from Sue Lowden this winter. She is currently using an American flag's stripes to make an "E" in her name in her logo. Now THAT is a good indicator of pompous behavior to come! We'll be fine.

Q: "Since we didn't receive an envelope full of money this year, you can FORGET about winning "Best Blogger of Northern Nevada" in 2009. Also, learn how to spell you illiterate ape."
RW
RN&R
Reno, NV

ZSS: Sorry about that buddy. I blew all the money on your mother last night out at The Ranch. Seriously though, the Google ad's ain't been bringing in the moolah like last year. Sorry. If your paper is still in business next year, I'll make it up to you then.

Q: "Return the plans or be destroyed!"
DV
Death Star III
Lurking in Space

ZSS: "Uh, sorry Mr Cheney, I think you meant to send this to http://www.LeiaSaysSo.blogspot.com.

All Work and No Play Make You a GOP Blogger

2009-10-11T15:03:00.000-07:00

Hey, what is up with the Conservative Bloggers posting on weekends?
I follow a bunch of them mainly to laugh at what they have to say, and it is obvious that "The Right" is burning the midnight (and weekend) oil lately to get their wacky opinions posted on the Interwebs.

Why? And where are all the Liberal Bloggers?

Well, Barkeep Karl says that "The Libs are probably all too busy smoking pot and dancing naked on a dry lakebed somewhere celebrating their new Nevada Civil Unions."; and he may be correct in that appraisal.

But are the Conservative Bloggers feeling that they need to play "catch up"? Or maybe they can't afford the gas money to go anywhere, (Liberals like bicycles and walking after all)

What ever the reason, the Right is certainly on the Digital March lately.

Uh oh.

NV Senator John Ensign Wins Nobel Piece Prize!

2009-10-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

There are too many funny possiblities for this joke, so pick your favorite from the list below:

CONTRIBUTIONS TO ADVANCEMENT OF HAIR AND BLOWDRYING
ADVANCEMENTS IN ADULTERY TECHNIQUES
WORK IN HYPOCRISY AND POLITICAL DOUBLE TALKING
ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY IN BRIBING AND SECRET PAYOFFS
EXPLORATIONS IN NEPOTISM

The Senator will unfortunately not be able to pick up the award in person next month as he most likely will be inditement and unable to leave the US due to bail restrictions..

Senator Dean Heller?

2009-10-06T16:48:00.001-07:00

So do you like the sound of that?
Well then keep it up, knuckleheads.

What Rachel Maddow and Keith Olbermann are not pointing out is if John Ensign resigns, our very Republican Idiot Governor Jim "Doomed" Gibbons will pick the guy (Yes it will be a guy) to replace him.

There is only 1 non-disgraced Republican left in this State and it is Conservitive Darling Congressman Dean "Coal Burnin" Heller.

Heller is a Mormon like Gibbons.
Heller is a No Tax Loyal Republican like Gibbons.

And unlike Gibbons, Heller is squeaky clean and has very quietly decided to NOT run against Harry Reid for his Senate seat next year.

Ya know why? Because his has a great chance of being appointed to Senate without having to spend a single buck.

And if Heller does get appointed, he will be VERY difficult to beat in 2012 vs a shattered, newly divorced and possibly indicted Ensign.

So if you want that, keep calling for Ensign to step dowm. It will be just another great example of how the GOP can turn a liability into a victory.

Obama Loses at Solitaire, Too

2009-10-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

© FauxNews October 3, 2009
Silver Spring, MD - In an amazing and far reaching defeat, President Barack Obama lost 2 out of 3 games this morning on his Blackberry. Republican leadership immediately pointed to the disgraceful defeat as a sign the coming end of the 9 month old administration.

Micheal Steele, Chair of the GOP said, "A man who can't even figure out how to win a randomly generated simple card game, has no business running the free world. And this is on top of his failure to stop last month's Solar Eclipse. A failure of leadership."

The White House released a statement on the matter a short while ago "What in the hell are you idiots talking about now? Why don't you go find a car chase to film?"

ZSS Corp's Amazing 3rd Q Report

2009-10-01T10:39:00.000-07:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE TO ALL FRIENDLY¹ MEDIA:

October 1st, 2009 The ZEKE SAYS SO Corp posted a startleing² 3rd Quarter SEC Report today, out performing analysts expected³ earnings by 100%. The company also reported an amazing 50%⁴ up-tick in overall sales, and regained the #2 status⁵ in the industry market share ranking report. Employee retention remained at 100% for the 3rd quarter, with zero layoffs or forced retirements⁶.

President and CEO Zeke Reno said wednesday morning "We are cautiously optimistic⁷ by our performance, but want to remind shareholders that, long term, ZSS Corp has produced a superior product⁸ that is 100% American Made⁹ and relatively carcinogen-free."

NOTES:
¹ Media that doesn't hate ZSS. If there are any left.
² Factually Challenged and mainly bullshit
³ Analysts were expecting bankruptcy and FBI raids at bare minimum
⁴ 3 People read the blog this quarter vs 2 in 2nd Q.
⁵ There are only 2 political Blogs in Reno
⁶ There were no employees left to layoff
⁷ Have taking giant red "Going Out of Business" sign off front door.
⁸According to Zeke, noted blogging expert
⁹ South and Central America are in America, too

Top 6 Halloween Costumes for Republicans 2009

2009-09-29T10:16:00.001-07:00

A saleman down at Roscoe's Halloween Emporium told me yesterday that the best way to understand the inner workings of the mind of a society, is to study what they fear.

So based on costume sales this is what GOPers are buying to scare each other at the Country Club Samhain Ball this year:

US Census Worker
Pro-Obama School Teacher
Unemployed HUMMER™ Salesman
ACORN worker
Freddy Krugman

Oh yeah...and:

6. A big, black, smart, popular, powerful snake that chases you from your mansion, eats all of your money, and gives your undocumented "Butler" free healthcare.

6 New Career Paths for Soon Ex-Governor Gibbons

2009-09-28T08:27:00.000-07:00

Well. he'll have to do SOMETHING for a living after next spring's GOP Primary makes him a lame duck!
And we can't have him sucking off the non-existent Nevada Unemployment benefits!

Orphanage Tax Assessor (Everyone hates him anyway)
Death Panel Chair (He did so well with the Medical Board after all)
Verizon Store Assistant Manager (2 words: Free Texting!)
Battered Woman's Shelter Manager (Sorry, Couldn't resist)
Marriage Councilor (He knows now EXACTLY how to screw up a marriage)
Lobbyist for Mining, Insurance and Energy Industries (Just like now)

Gaddafi's Crazy UN Speech Word Cloud

2009-09-27T21:10:00.000-07:00

Reno's "The Solution Zone" is Now Streaming Online. About Time.

2009-09-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

In case you haven't heard the latest, Reno's Progressive Radio Diva Christiane Brown's show "The Solution Zone" is now Streaming on the web.

'Bout freaking time, if you ask me.

Her show runs from 1:00 - 3:00 pm most weekdays, HERE.

You can also find the link on this blog's sidebar.

5 New Things for You (Progressives) to Hate

2009-09-23T10:42:00.000-07:00

As I was typing this post, Barkeep Karl asked why I am only listing things for the Lefties to Hate, none for the Cons. Obviously the Cons have plenty to get their Karl Rove autographed boxers in a bunch already. In fact, you might as well conceed that the GOP faithful hate EVERYTHING these days.

With Obama in the White House and 2 super majorities in Congress, it looks like the Free Range activist Liberals roaming the nation have nothing to be angry about. But after 8 years of easy and obvious targets, the Die-Hard Grassroot Protester types are starting to even turn on their own.

Not Good.

So here are a list of THINGS YOU CAN HATE/PROTEST/RANT ABOUT

~~Gun Ownership~~*
~~Abortion Doctor Murder~~*
~~Crazy Tea Party Activists~~*
~~Glenn Beck's Wacky Antics~~*
"Dancing With the Stars" Voting Irregularities

* By giving attention to ths activity, you will actually further the GOP's agenda by entering a forum they WANT to exist

So I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but "The Wind Blows Coldest at the Top" Democrats. You can't really complain about "The Man", when you are He.

Why You Should Vote for Zeke

2009-09-16T08:43:00.000-07:00

Look.
I know there are a whole bunch of other Reno Bloggers out there Pandering, Begging and "politely requesting" you Vote for them for BEST BLOGGER in NORTHERN NEVADA in this year's Reno News & Review's 2009 "Best Of" Deal.

But I'm telling you to vote for me.

And why, you ask?

Well, while the "other guys" blogs have been Echo Chambers of "Flavor of the Day", or personal partisan rant sites, ZEKE SAYS SO has been doing something very different:

Making you laugh.

Oh, admit it! You know you did!

Was it my story on Sarah Palin's Tessie Hunt or Pyramid Lake Bridge to Nowhere?

Or maybe my lampooning of AD24 Candidate Gwaltney's "Genius Claim"?

How about the post GOP iPhone apps?

How about the story Area 51 Voting for Obama?

Do you remember the Jim Gibbons Shoe Gaurd bit?

Or ANY of the other Original Content from this Nationally recognized, and award winning blog?

And just like Roger Rabbit, I know that you will support me in this election because I made you laugh.

YES YOU CAN! (OK, so I'm pandering a little)

Ice Cream for Our Times

2009-09-14T12:46:00.000-07:00

As you may know, "Rocky Road" Ice Cream was created in 1929 partly to "Reflect our Troubled Times Ahead".

Here are some new varieties that Ben & Jerry's™ are considering to reflect these new "Troubled Times":

Wing-Nutty Crunch
Appalachian Trail Adultery Granola Surprise
Fear-tastic FoxNews Totally Bananas Swirl
Unspoken Racism Chocolate and Vanilla Smoothie
Fat and Dumb Americano Iced Coffee
Corporate Bailout Blueberry X-TreamCream
Palin's Moose-Chunk Real American Sherbert (Now with more Moose!)
Fucked-Up Road

Things Americans Aren't Patriotic About Any Longer

2009-09-11T10:22:00.000-07:00

Hey, Things change.
Do you remember when, not too long ago, nearly all Americans felt a Patriotic loyalty to these things?

American Made Cars
American Health Care System
Baseball Players
Hot Dogs
McDonald's
American Olympic Multi-Gold Medalists
Town Hall meetings
Our Impartial News Media
Non Profit Low Income Community Support Groups (ACORN)
American Movie Industry
President of the United States

It's also kinda interesting that the Political Party responsible for smearing most of these former Sacred Patriotic Touchstones, is the same Party that wraps itself in the Flag every 2 years.

Poem : Up Chuck

2009-09-10T14:59:00.000-07:00

Chuck Muth is a con-man with a Plan,
To bring down Reid; he's not a Fan,
But at the end of the day,
If Chuckles gets his way,
Harry will be homeless and living in a van.

-Zeke Reno